Searched and Known

O LORD, You have searched me--

I've memorized the passage, and this time expected to read through it quickly. But that was as far as I got.

O LORD, You have searched me--

I thought I would focus more on the next line, the part I had been thinking about: "and known me." But my eyes wouldn't go past these words. I tried to go on, but they stopped.

O LORD, You have searched me--

I can't even imagine how many times I have read or heard that line. But I don't think I ever really thought about that before. I've always kind of lumped it together with "and known me." But it says, You have searched me.

Have you ever considered that the Lord searched you?

I don't know if that's an important distinction, but it struck me. Of course, God knows all things, so His searching out isn't quite the same as ours. But even speaking of Him as searching you out is kind of mind-boggling. Not that He just knows, but that He puts effort into it. I thought of it as when you have a dear friend and you observe her, note her responses, remember what she likes and does not, listen to what she says, draw out her ideas, because you seek to know and understand her and how she thinks. Why? Because you delight in her, care about her, want to know what to do to please and encourage her.

And God did this for us?

I was going to read Psalm 139 because I was rejoicing and in awe of God's care for me-that God, God the Creator, the Lord of the universe, understands me better than I do myself, that He "knows my thoughts afar off."  Now even more the thought arrested me: He knows me, not on accident, not because He is God so He has to know everything, but because He has searched me, because He cares for me, because He chose to.

We tend to diminish everything about God. Naturally, for we cannot comprehend how much bigger He is. And naturally because, everyone is naturally afraid of what he does not know, of things he cannot control, of things that are different than what he is used to. So we diminish His glory, His perfection, His judgement, His sovereignty, and His love.

It makes sense, without the wisdom that is from above.

I mean, who, if they really knew you, completely, fully, with all your faults and hidden sins, could really love you? Maybe a man could, knowing the sin in his own life. But God? Perfection, loving me? And not because, y'know, it's that family member you really ought to know and love; they're family, after all; but if it weren't for that, you'd never try. No, but He chose and searched me out - me, a creature that He formed - discovered all my faults, faults that no one else knows, and loves me still.

Such love is humbling. It reminds me of a quote I love from Aslan: "That is both honor enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth. Be content."

God's love is so abundant. I mean, sending Jesus to die for us, propitiation so we don't have to go to hell, and caring for our needs is way more than we deserve. And that would be enough to boggle our minds: a holy God sacrificing to save sinners, providing for their needs.

But God isn't paying child support. He is a true Father. The best sort of father who understands His child in such a way that He knows him, what he will do and what he needs, better than His child does. He is "acquainted with all my ways." He has searched out His child.

Pretty awesome, isn't it?

"Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it."

You're Gonna Miss This

Last weekend the girls in my family took a trip together. As we drove, we sometimes listened to music, including "You're Gonna Miss This." Riding home as the chorus played, I "took a good look around" at the faces of my sisters and mother and tucked the moment away in my memory.

When I got to spend time this week with some friends I had been missing, the song came to mind. As I enjoyed being in their home, the song quite often ran through my head, and I treasured that time.

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

I thought of last winter, when we had seen people so much during Christmas break. It was a fun, special time, and things have changed a lot since. Yet had I treasured that time? Not consciously.

It says in Ecclesiastes 7:10, "Do not say, 'Why were the former days better than these?' For you do not inquire wisely concerning this."

There are, as Lamentations teaches, different seasons of life. People come and go, activities change, what occupies your thoughts varies. I love where I am at now, the people I am close to, those I think of often, this stage of life...most of the time, anyway. But it is easy to look back at the "olden days" with longing. And to miss the glory of the moment.

Longing for the future, we forget to be grateful for the present. In a few years or months, even weeks or days, many troubles are forgotten and we miss how things used to be. People grow and change, and this is good, yet sad. I think this is one way eternity is written on our hearts-we know we want things to last forever.

My friend Ruthie noticed how Kristen misses me so much when I'm gone, and being a youngest herself, said she didn't think older siblings realize how much the younger kids look up to them and miss them. I've thought about that and my relationship with Kristen a lot since then.

A number of people have told me, "She really loves you." When she runs up to me, wraps her arms around me, and says, "I really missed you!" when I've only been gone for the evening and says, "My misses never leave" when I tell her that...when she offers to sing me to sleep, but asks me to tell her the words because she can't remember more than half a verse...when she holds onto my legs and tells me she won't let me go to a sleepover because she will miss me and wants to sleep with me...I realize this season won't last forever. Already, that sweet time when I used to rock her to sleep as a little baby is gone, and very faded in my memory, though I thought I would never forget.

Time seems to get faster and faster, and though it seems far off, before too long, I'll be coming to pick my little sister up to catch up on what she's up to, to talk about what she wants to do with her life, what she's learning in school or youth group or church, or calling to ask if Kristen can come over and watch my kids. It seems far away, yes, but being the age I am now used to seem old.

So I'm trying to treasure the moments. Another song, "Just Fishin'," talks about a guy taking his daughter fishing, and I like it for this idea.

Fishin' on the river side,
Throwin' back what we could fry,
Drownin' worms an killin' time,
Nothin' too ambitious

She ain't even thinkin' 'bout what's really goin' on right now
But I guarantee this memory's a big'un
And she thinks we're just fishin'

I guess my thought is that for now, time is a limited, precious commodity. Until we reach heaven, we are constrained by time. What glory it will be when we are not! They say time is money, and money should be spent freely for the benefit of people. What else is it good for? Make the most of the time you have. Purposefully build relationships. Relationships are the only things that last beyond this life-relationships with God and with His people.

It's not that we should obsess, but that we should rejoice in what we have. How thankful we should be for what is happening right now in life! Soon, things will change. You don't know what will happen tomorrow. Praise God for where you are now.

Jesus Will Help Me Find My Life

"Out of the mouths of babes and nursing infants He has perfected praise."

                                                                          - Matthew 21:16

Have you ever heard a little kid "sing" a song they make up on the spot, whatever comes to mind? You never know what exactly will come out next. And you can never quite remember it afterwards, and without a precise tune you cannot repeat it, so anyone who wasn't there can't fully understand what they did. If you're lucky, you have a video camera ready.

Today I was working on a blog post, with my little sister jabbering away to Amy in the background. I was amused by their conversation, but I wasn't really listening. Kristen started to sing in that kid style, with randomness in word and tune. She sang about how she loves everything, but not animals that are mean and hurt you. Still, I paid scant attention until when she started a "new song," something caught my ear.

 "Jesus will help me find my life out because He is powerful," she babbled. 

Did she really say that? I wondered. That's pretty profound for a five-year-old, and I'm pretty sure nobody told her something like that. 

Hmm...this might be interesting. I started typing out what she said. I did not catch it all, but this was the gist.

Jesus will help me find my life out because He is powerful
What happened to my life, what happened to my life, what happened to my life

(This sounded like a real song the way it repeated.)
 
Jesus gonna help me find where on earth is my life
Guys, I think you will laugh and I know you will and it's not funny

(She knows people laugh at her and sometimes tells us not to.)
 
And I don't have a life because I lost it when I was singing because someone took it
I'm going to go ask my friends and I'm going to go around and ask everybody until I find it
Where is my life?
I have it now
Jesus gave it back to me
I am happy about my life

(Seriously? Did she really just say that?)
 
Jesus gave it back to me and I am happy
I found my life and those things are funny but it's not funny I lost my life
I losed my life again and it's not funny

(It amuses me how she says losed rather than lost.)

I'm gonna ask everybody again
Then I can get my life back with Jesus
And this is the end and fingernail polish and spray and things
And I found my life back again.

(I love the random stuff she threw in at the end!)

"And that's the end," she sings. She ends by asking Amy, "Are you happy what I found my life again?"

One thing about little kids: they mix the mundane and the sacred all together. She went on to sing about some other random thing and then to pretend to doctor Amy.

It's a lesson we might take, as we older people are often timid to speak of anything spiritual if we don't have a good way of bringing it up, if it's not a natural part of conversation.

"I lost my life and Jesus gave it back to me," she sang.

Yep. Out of the mouth of that child, the answer to everything. "Jesus gave it back to me and I am happy."

At that time Jesus answered and said, “I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and have revealed them to babes. - Matthew 11:25