Seeing What I Said

I found a quote a while ago that I immediately loved. Quotes are delightful when they say something that you realized you had always thought but had never had the words to say before.

There's some debate as to who really said it and what they really meant, but I don't really care, and I take it at face value like this:

How can I know what I think unless I see what I've said?

I think the first time I saw it, it said, "How can I know what I think unless I read what I've written?"

It was one of those quotes that is so perfect it makes you smile. It exactly describes what I thought. Often, when I am confused I will write, and then I will realize, "Oh, that is why I feel like that. I didn't realize that was what I was thinking." Somehow, having concrete words put to feelings makes them much more objective. Most of the time it shows me how silly my thinking is. For example, in a recent post I told how I had written that I needed to be content with God's love. Then I realized how ridiculous that was. How could I think something so ridiculous?

That is why I write, and why I write whether others read it or not.

If I could have one (frivolous) wish, it'd be for another lifetime. One would be for living life, and the other devoted exclusively to reading and writing. There is simply not enough time to do all the reading and writing needed.

Actually, as we did when we were kids, my wish would be for three wishes. Then I would wish for a life for reading and for a life for writing. I haven't figured out what I would use the third wish for. I would have written that I would wish for two more wishes, but we always wished for three wishes, and two just doesn't seem right.

I remember very distinctly when we started the first orphanage we played, my younger brother and sister had been thrown into a maze, where they met a man who gave them three wishes. One was for horses. When I met, them, however, they were walking. "We should have wished with those wishes that they wouldn't run away!" they said.

There are a lot of things I would wish for with an extra wish...big things for my family, spiritual things...but there is a reason we aren't granted a wish for whatever we want. Really, if I was offered a free wish, I would probably decline it, or ask for something really quite small and silly.  Unless it was something like God's offer to Solomon....) Because we are very finite in our wisdom and it's often good we don't get what we ask for.

And, thinking of Solomon, I realize that I have that anyway. What I would really use a free wish for, if I were really offered the chance, I can ask for and receive. Because I'd ask for a heart that longs for Christ over all. Or that He will give that to my siblings or family or friends. I don't need free wishes. I have a God who knows what I need.

That was quite the tangent, wasn't it? But there you have it: the reason I write. Those thoughts just came from thinking as I wrote. Writing can transform your thoughts. It is a way of meditation.

The other reason I write is because I forget. Every once in a while, I get lost for a few hours in my old blog posts, journals, or other writings. It's good to be reminded about what the Lord taught me.

And sometimes, I write because I'm compelled. Sometimes I have thoughts and feelings that must be expressed. Some of my favorite poems come from these times. This one, for example. Poetry is good for expressing thoughts that are hard to express. Writing randomly is too. This is why I enjoy writing randomly. I never know what I'll discover.