The Start

Today I marry my best friend.

Doesn't that sound ridiculously cliche?

And yet, all the best things in life are, are they not? Originality and uniqueness are overrated. As my sister says, all couples end up saying and doing much the same things - if they don't, they're doing it wrong.

This is philosophical for a wedding day post, you are probably thinking. That's me for you, although I am sure it would be less so if I actually wrote this on my wedding day. I didn't. If I have time then, I will be writing my beloved a letter.

I am getting married. I am excited to have the chance to prove all those terrible jokes wrong. Marriage is good and to be held in high esteem by all. I have resolved never to tell any young person a joke like the three rings of marriage: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

Of course marriage involves suffering. Life involves suffering, and marriage is life at its richest.

I would rather suffer with my beloved than without him. As my dear sister-in-law said when I was beginning this journey with him, this won't really add to the problem. It just gives a face to it. That's how marriage is - it doesn't create problems, it's just really good at revealing them. At showing you your sin.

With my husband - wow, what a weird thing to say, although I have accidentally called him that before - who always so longs to help me walking with me, suffering is easier to bear.

Does this seem heavy for a wedding day?

Why, my little sister asks, do you have to get married? You don't, she says. He can just come over to visit. Why do you want kids? You don't have to have kids.

What is the purpose of marriage? The romantic and sweet are delightful benefits - and essential. We need them. Yet our highest goal in everything must be to honor the Lord.

The undeserved, unwavering, relentless love that Parker has shown me has given me a knowing of God's love that is mind-boggling. Many times I have shaken my head, looked at him, and asked, "Why? I don't understand."

"You're never going to," he says.

And he's right. There are three things that I do not understand, and four that are too wonderful for me. A ship in the sea, a snake on a rock, a bird in the sky, and the way of a man with a virgin. The desire, the devotion, the love are too overwhelming, too strong to be explained by looking at their object. When he sees me, my sin, how I have hurt him, he only loves me more. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. It is high, I cannot attain it.

I can't wait. I can't wait to be able to be free to be fully united. How wonderful it will be to not have to say goodbye and tear ourselves apart! So long we have been in this strange partial state, me under him, but not quite; our own family, but not yet - how does one live in this state of unity of mind and spirit, and yet not quite reality?

And this is the beauty of marriage: everything is a picture. I wasn't meaning to make a parable, but is this not just our state here, waiting to be fully united with Christ?

I am learning for myself things I have heard. Like marriage gets better with time. And that is perhaps what I anticipate most. Romantic ideals are overrated. The best things are simple, everyday things.

Like cooking a meal for Parker. Like coming home from school and going to my own house. Like arranging the million and one generous gifts we were given in our little kitchen.

God has been good to us, though we are so undeserving. He is faithful, so I know that He will for the rest of our lives. For one way of God showing His amazing, unconditional love for me is through Parker's. Thinking about it, I can't help but smile.

The Plans of a Year

Thinking about the happenings of a year, "A man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps," always seems so very true. How many plans I had for this year, so many things I wanted to accomplish, and did not. Or did to some degree, but not as I wanted to.

This post is a little late this year; after writing that first paragraph, it took me a rather busy week or so before I got around to attempting to finish it. 

And it's a little easier to do now.

Because, Lord willing, I know a few things I will be doing this year.

A few things I never would have imagined doing a year ago. A few things I never wanted to do before. And a lot of things I've been waiting to do for a long time.

A year ago, I took a walk to see the first sunrise of the year with my sisters and a friend and we carved our initials-PJAM-in the lookout.

Hours before that, a group gathered at our house to ring in the new year by almost missing when the ball dropped and when it turned midnight, with singing Auld Lang Syne, and sharing our resolutions and ways that God had blessed us that year. Two of my siblings were looking forward to getting married.

In that group, close as it was, I did not voice what I really wanted to happen that year.

And when a friend near where I sat on the gray-blue couch said, with more meaning than I knew, he hoped that he would not die as he moved away, I thought little.

I did not know what his moving would mean to me, nor that a year later, we would be sitting in almost the exact same spot at the exact same time.

And that this time, we'd know that this year, we're getting married.

Our first picture after engagement

I never imagined that the boy who read every post I wrote on my blog-even The Day Outside one-would be the subject of one of them. Or that there was any meaning behind that casual Facebook message last May, "Are you still working on that blogging thing?"

And for a month or so, I still thought nothing of it. Because it was just Parker. Just Parker, our family friend, our brother. 

Parker, my friend.

My beloved.

Didn't expect to say that of him this year, or any other.

This year, as I learn every year, I learn that God's plans are so much better than ours. So different from what we wanted...and yet, somehow exactly what we wanted all along.

This year for the first time in a long time, I have made no sort of list of resolutions or goals. But I have perhaps more plans than ever I have had before. Probably none of them will look exactly as I imagine. But that's okay, because His plans for my year are "far beyond anything I could ask or imagine."

A New Path

In less than one week, I will be standing at the end of a (rather long) line of girls, watching.

For the fourth time, I will be watching at the front of a church as a dearly beloved friend of mine says her vows to the man who has won her heart.

Each time, it has been a girl I love, to a man I appreciate, at least for the reason that he has made her happy.

But this time it's different.

Although last time, it was my sister to a man who is as good as a brother, this time the man who will be exchanging vows with my friend is my brother.

The boy who has been my playmate and friend since before I can remember.

The boy who has shared sleeping quarters with me, with whom I have disagreed and fought, who has chopped wood and helped clean, who has made me food and driven me places.

The hardworking boy who has finally given in to tired eyes after many hours late at night, talking with me and my sister. This boy who has been my introduction to the masculine world.

He has organized bonfires and caroling, rides to concerts and contradancing, birthday parties and times at the park. His friends have become mine, and often mine his. Aside from my father, perhaps no one has influenced my view of men more than he has.

"Your brother is so nice," I have been told. "I wish mine was like yours."

One day off work, the phone rings, and I pick it up. "Hello."

"Yo, yo, yo, yo!" a peppy voice calls.

"Hello," I smile.

"Why don't you return my yo's?" the voice questions. "I was just calling to see if you worked today and needed picked up. I was working by the mall and I'm done now. I take it you don't, since you seem to be home."

That's my brother for you.

Although we have had stages of disagreement (should the orphans we played get captured or have a war was always a big one), I have always enjoyed him. The older I have grown, the more I appreciate him. The more I realize how blessed I have been to have Eric Paul, Handsome Boy Beerbower as my brother.

Especially as I think about life without him in the house. Without his feet pounding and his voice war whooping up the stairs, or hearing, "If anyone's going with me, I'm leaving right now," every Sunday morning, or seeing his dusty white form dash upstairs to shower.

I'll miss it.

And it's a good thing there's a worthwhile reason.

Because when I stand up there, it won't be behind him, though he has my support.

I will be standing behind my friend...

who just happens to also be that day becoming my sister.

My first sister-in-law. The best reason and only thing I can think of that makes me actually very happy about my brother leaving.

The happy, beautiful girl who has captured my brother's heart.

Who has made him happy and excited... 

which admittedly isn't difficult to do, 

but she has done it in a way nothing else has.

It's been amusing to watch.

Then, after this, we'll be done with weddings for a while, and life will not be so exciting.

 It will be the beginning of a new era in our family.

 

The beginning of a new family. And of ours, as a smaller one.

 And yet, bigger at the same time.

Turning away from a happy pathway is always at least a little melancholy.

 But I look forward to seeing what God will do on this path. And we feel blessed to have Ruthie joining us.

Another Happy Story

It happened again.

Last Wednesday was a busy day, but nothing terribly notable. I babysat in the morning, had a wonderful lunch with a sweet friend, came home and talked with Mom and Eric about different plans, went Christmas shopping with Mom, came home to potato soup and muffins, spent time with the family including Stephen, and watched Elf.

Half of Elf, that is. I think the scene when he breaks a poptart over his spaghetti will always make me think of this evening. The door opened, and Eric and Ruthie came back from going to the lights at the zoo. I got up and stood by the fire. Eric said, "You're watching Elf without us?" Deanna looked at Ruthie, and Ruthie was laughing.

This way they're coming in, smiling, with all of us here, kind of feels like...something familiar....

It couldn't be. She had told him he had to wait until after she graduated...I looked for the ring. She had on three. One on the left hand's ring finger.

Ruthie was laughing: "Deanna is staring at me like she thinks something happened."

Someone asked if Eric had asked her a question.

Ruthie laughed. "Maybe."

(Note: to avoid repetitive, boring "someone said something like this," statements, I am writing as if this were exactly how it happened, but some is paraphrase and could easily have been remembered incorrectly.)

"He asked you if you liked the lights?" Mom asked.

"Yes," Ruthie chuckled.

I went and stood by her and hugged her.

"What did you say?" someone asked.

"I might have said yes."

"You did like the lights?" Mom asked.

I looked more closely at the ring. Eric showed it to me online a few weeks ago, and I immediately thought it was perfect for her, with a twist around a little flower. It looked a little different than it had online.

We hugged them both and told Eric good job. Then we made them come in and sit. "You guys both have to tell us the story!" we cried. "You know how this goes."

"I know," Ruthie agreed. "I was here last time."

This time, Deanna and Stephen had already been sitting on the love seat. "You guys don't have to move," Ruthie said. "We don't have to sit there."












We all objected. Remembering how I had refused to let Eric sit there last time, I said, "We made you guys move last time," smiling at the amusing irony. "It's your turn now." So they took their seats and we gathered around.

Ruthie went first, telling their awesome, pretty adorable story. He had brought her flowers, ostensibly because he was late. After dinner, they went to the Lights before Christmas at the Zoo.

At the synchronized lighted trees, they stopped when a Transiberian orchestra song came on. They had just gone to see them in Grand Rapids the previous Sunday. Eric decided it was time. He asked if she wanted to sit down in a more secluded spot. She objected to the cold seats, so he just asked her. She had no suspicions and was completely surprised. "Wait..is this for real?" she asked.

"I guess I should kneel," Eric said, kneeling, and asking again if she would marry him. Having time to process a bit, she said yes immediately. Then she suggested they sit down.

Before Eric even had a chance to put the ring on her, a man came up. "Excuse me, but my nosy wife informed me that you just got engaged. Do you have a camera and would you like me to take your picture?"

They didn't, so he pulled out his smart phone, took it, and emailed it to Eric. A message said it was using data. "This is totally worth it!" he said, pushing send. They had two kids with them and were the first to tell them congratulations.

The picture isn't of great quality, but the story is adorable and it's fun to have.

Eric had been unusually quiet as Ruthie told her side of the story. Then he told his side. He had been so nervous, but managed to act normal. He was late because the people at the store couldn't find the ring at first.

It was delightful and amusing. (It was also much more involved and special than I made it sound, but if you want their whole story, you'll have to ask to hear it unless I later feel like telling the whole thing properly.)

"Now we can't tell anyone," Kristen said seriously when they had finished the story.

We all laughed. "She knows how this goes!" I said. "She'll be an expert by the time it gets to her."

 Paulie had made some mint chocolate chip cookies.

At one point, Eric said something about how he wanted to do it that day. "Wait..." I said, suddenly realizing, "today is the 18th, isn't it?" Eric smiled and nodded. It was exactly five months after their first date. I smiled. He had done a good job.

Conversation died down for a minute. "We should watch the movie now," Kristen said.

"More important things are going on right now," Stephen said.

"All right, that's done. Back to the movie!" Dad teased.

After we had discussed the proposal story, there was a pause in conversation, and Dad spoke from the couch. "Jeannette..."

Everyone laughed.

"I can only handle two at a time."

I laughed. "What, you don't want three weddings at once?"

"No more engagements this year," Mom joked, and Amy and Ruthie noted that there were only two weeks left in the year.

Conversation turned to Melody, and this time Dad put a number on it: "You're not liking anyone until you're 30."

"Every time the number keeps going up! When Jeannette gets engaged I won't be allowed to like anyone until I'm 40!" Melody exclaimed.

"Melody, if you come live with us, we'll let you like someone whenever you want," Stephen offered generously. Melody is going to live with them and be their slave. However, he went on to say only if she chose the person he wants her to...

Eric gave a counter-offer: "If you come live with us, you don't have to wait and you can like whoever you want. Well, almost."

There were lots of phone calls to be made. Conveniently, Ruthie and I were already planning on meeting the next morning. It was sweet to be able to spend that time with her, and she said it was nice to be able to talk to someone who had been there so she didn't have to explain what had happened with her and Eric.

As usual, I was struck by the everydayness of things. As I told Ruthie, it's sort of weird-your sibling just got engaged!-and yet the world goes on as usual.

Ruthie says, "Truth!"

On Thursday, I saw some people and it was so hard not to tell anyone. In the evening we went to the Armentrouts'. We weren't sure if Eric and Ruthie could come or not, but then Lalita came in, saying, "Everyone calm down - Eric and Ruthie are here!"

They came in and greeted everyone, and while Ruthie hugged Merri, Audrey noticed her ring. "Wait...does everyone know this?!" Audrey asked.

"No!" cried Merri. "Know what?!"

Eric announced to everyone that they were engaged. After much excitement, once again, they sat on the couch, everyone gathered around, and they told their story.

It's kind of funny that a lot of the people who were well-acquainted with the state of their relationship were not expecting it to happen now, while others who were less informed were. I didn't expect it yet, since Ruthie had told him to wait until after she graduates in May, but I wasn't surprised.

In my last post about Ruthie, I would have been more direct about Eric and being part of our family if they had been engaged. I love having it official, to be able to talk about it freely, to say "Eric's fiancee" rather than his girlfriend, to not worry about saying too much to anyone who asks about their relationship. And it makes me smile.

Late Wednesday night when I went to bed with Kristen, she wanted to pray as usual, and she added a prayer to her list. "Pray what everyone will be excited what Eric and Ruthie got engaged." That is one prayer that will certainly be fulfilled.

Some of mine already have been. A few people have told me, "Congratulations!" Then they're unsure if they should. I say that I accept congratulations, as I did for Deanna and Stephen. I'm getting a sister, after all. I think that's worthy of congratulations. I've been considering how unpleasant it would be if your siblings married someone you didn't approve of or didn't like, and then feeling very blessed. I've always wanted to have a sister-in-law that wasn't a friend just because she's part of the family, but that I would have been friends with anyway. My other brothers will (hopefully!) marry someone significantly younger than I, so whoever Eric chose would be a unique relationship.

And I cannot imagine anyone better. As we've said, everyone loves Eric, and everyone loves Ruthie, so everyone loves them together. We feel quite blessed.