Undeserved Love

Marriage is perhaps an odd topic for me to write on, as I obviously have zero experience. Nevertheless, it's something I've thought about rather deeply every so often for a while.

Two things you're doubtless thinking now aren't quite true. I have been thinking about marriage, but as a powerful picture-the ultimate marriage that earthly marriages are simply a reflection of-more than anything else. And while of course I can't think of marriage without Ryan and Grace entering my thoughts, mostly it's been unrelated to them-some was from before I really thought much about them getting married (but on a tangential note, I've seen them briefly and it is fun to see them married!).

Last year in studying James, I read Ezekiel 16. If you haven't read it recently, I encourage you to do so. It isn't the type of passage read in church or discussed very often. It is unpleasant, and-as struck me at that time-it is sad. After reading it and pondering and discussing the awfulness of unfaithfulness, my feelings were such that I must write something, yet in normal prose-I couldn't capture what I wanted to convey. The Ezekiel passage isn't poetry exactly, but the language is full of imagery. I tried to put everything into a poem. I wrote several in the attempt, none of which quite captured what I was trying to say. Several of them weren't really finished. I also couldn't think of good titles for them.

This one is the most directly related and probably the best.

Mrs. Smith hurried along;
She had lots of things to do.
A sudden, quiet voice stopped her tracks:
"Darling, can I see you?"
"No," she replied, resuming her trot.
"I'm too busy today.
Maybe later if I have time,"
and she hurried on her way.

Evening came, and the voice again,
"Have you any time now?"
She turned once more, and this time
Had a frown on her brow.
"Oh, you wanted to talk.
I haven't thought of you all day.
I suppose we can if you insist,
But I don't know what to say."

"Ridiculous!" we start to think,
Sensibilities offended,
"A marriage cannot last like that.
I'm surprised it hasn't ended.
For a wife to talk that way
Is really very sad,
And he must really be a saint
If her husband isn't mad."

Yet we do this to God
Each and every day
Continually ignoring Him,
As we go our adulterous way.
And if God disciplines
To draw us back to Him,
We think He is unjust,
That His love grows dim.

We do not understand
That His jealousy
Is not like Zeus' or Hermes',
It shows His love for me.
We do not understand
Like a husband He is grieved
When His beloved leaves Him
By false lovers deceived.

Yet He freely takes us back,
Like He has done before,
Though we don't even regret
That we have played the whore.
And when He shows His love,
We take it all in stride,
Like we were a perfect,
All-deserving bride.

I had intended to write a concluding verse, but I never did.

This one is from September.

Seated in glory unknown by man
The Son of God full of splendor
Surely nothing could happen to make Him
Inglorious rendered.

And then, this glory goes ungrasped.
He simply lets it go
How can this be? we wonder
For whom? we want to know.

Surely there's another god,
Or at least an upright King,
And for this awesome one a palace,
And a royal welcoming.

But for whom does He give it up?
Where is His new place?
It's a humble stable stall,
And for a sinful human race.

He no longer is attractive,
So He is despised.
Rejected by men, afflicted by God
Until the day He dies.

This one of perfection
Who deserved to have only gain
Died for an ungrateful me
One who deserves only shame.

Yet it pleased the Lord to do it
To offer Him for sin
The transgressions of His people
Were laid upon Him.

When I know the offering required
Can my flesh any more be gratified?
O Lord, see Thy soul's labor for me
And may You be satisfied.

This one is maybe my favorite, written mostly last fall.

They tell me that You love me,
That You'll save me from my sin
That when I feel alone You'll be there.
When I go through trials,
I can go to You, well assured
That my every burden You'll bear.

I do not understand
How can this be?
For they say that You're holy and just.
Yet I know my heart
How evil it is
Full of envies and murders and lust.

If a thousand times better
Human being were I
I still would be grieving my God.
Still would not deserve
The tiniest good
For He sees behind my facade.

But Your love is so awesome
It depends not upon me,
For I could not earn it at all.
Despite what I do
You still show Your love
And You hear me when I call.

Sometimes, reading and thinking, the weight of sin seems pressing, overwhelming. As I was considering this, a picture came to mind.

Imagine a wife who does not use her position, who does not treat the house, finances, possessions, of her husband as her own. She asks for permission like an outsider. She will not accept gifts from her husband. "I'm not worthy," she says.

She's right, of course. She doesn't deserve them-yet does that please her husband? How absurd! He will rather be grieved that she doesn't trust his love enough to, in a sense, take advantage of her position. He loves her; whether she deserves it or not is unimportant-it's only his love that matters. Does he want to give her something she has earned?

The spiritual applications of my little illustration are obvious, of course. Is God pleased when we are so weighed down by sin, realizing we're unworthy of any of His gifts? Of course that is necessary-but we must go beyond that.

I read Nehemiah 8 this week. Ezra the scribe reads to the people the Law of God. The people all weep. They have returned from the captivity, and the Law has been disregarded. What do Nehemiah and Ezra tell the people?

“This day is holy to the Lord your God; do not mourn nor weep," for "the joy of the Lord is your strength."

They realized their guilt, they sought to obey, and then? "There was very great gladness." That we do not deserve God's love is what makes it so awesome.

"Now to the one who works, his wage is not credited as a favor, but as what is due. But to the one who does not work, but believes in Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is credited as righteousness..."

If we deserved it, the glory and our gratefulness would be lost.

Those are some of my somewhat random thoughts. Hopefully they were encouraging to you.