Smiling a Year Later

It seemed appropriate to post something today. Today marks the end of a year of enjoying "at this time last year" thoughts. Sure, there are a few more, but today I officially acknowledge the end of what has been a fun season. (Okay, that sounds bad, but whatever, you know what I mean.) For though I have pretty much remembered every 28th this past year, today marks the first official anniversary of Ryan and Grace. After all, anni means year, not month. (I, daughter of Keith, put that in just for you, Ryan.)

Though today is much warmer than a year ago (of course, that doesn't say much anyway), it is also icy and wet and slushy. I am also glad you didn't get married last week, which, if possible, and it is, was even colder than this day was last year (now, that says something). Not to mention the fact that a year-and-three-months engagement wouldn't have been fun...

Thinking about it still makes me happy; Toni and Guy's still catches my eye, I still have my bobby pins together, and I still get excited when we pass David's Bridal. All things wedding still bring it to my mind; though there have been others, to me "the wedding", "the proposal", and "the engagement" still refer to Ryan and Grace's. With Something to Smile About filling so much of the last year and three months and a number of my favorite blog posts, it seemed fitting to write one more Smile post.

Yet, what remains to be said?

Like I said in my poem for the photo of the day one year ago.

January 28th

To others this was just another day
It meant little to them that when
Asked the date you would say
It's January 28th.

Just a weekend with things to do
Nothing special about today.
Just one day to go through
Just January 28th.

They went about their day because
That is what they had to do.
On the other hand, to us it was
January 28th!

The day for which we'd planned and prayed
Bought and set and prepped and all.
So very many things were made
For January 28th.

The day had by the calendar come
And then it seemed so abruptly
The anticipated day had gone,
This January 28th.

After a wedding, what can one say?
How can one summarize
What went on that day?
On one January 28th.

Can you share what it's like that day?
What one picture can capture
All you want to convey?
From January 28th.

No, pen and paper can not tell
The thoughts in your mind,
What makes your heart swell,
On January 28th.

But with a hug and shining eyes
You attempt to convey the hope, joy,
The prayer that on your heart lies
On that January 28th.

It's like writing in birthday and Christmas cards. As much as you love and wish wonderful things for whomever you're giving them to, it's often hard to think of anything to write.

In thinking about writing this post, I looked over things I had written at the time. It brings a smile to my face. I don't know if I amused other people, but looking back at myself, I amuse myself. I often amuse myself. More often than not, I believe, other people just think I'm weird (Ryan especially-according to him I even make it to loony, although I don't know if he still includes Grace in that...), but that's okay; I'm used to it and I'm still amused. Why else do you think I wrote this paragraph?

But this is supposed to be an appropriate thing for Ryan and Grace to read while they're in Florida (unlike previous posts, they actually are where I said) to celebrate their anniversary. So, I decided to relate a few things that I thought they might enjoy, things that come to mind that, mostly, I haven't told.

These pictures are from the July 2010 contra dance, the first time I deliberately took a picture of Ryan and Grace or remember thinking, "they look nice together..."

The Sunday after the engagement, the first of November, was quite enjoyable. Everyone got to hear the story-and it was so fun, when people standing about in the narthex asked, "Are Ryan and Grace engaged?" and "What happened?", to know and be able to tell the answers, and even add my side of the story.

(An aside: if you don't know what I'm talking about, I recommend you either read-or skim, unless you have a lot of time to twiddle away-the Something to Smile About posts or skip this post. I might recommend the latter. As previously mentioned, I do things for my own enjoyment, most definitely including the writing of this post.)

Back to that Sunday...I also observed them, which was fun. When there were perhaps two other groups of people left at church, since I was going to scrapbook with Ashley and Rebekah, I was (happy to be) still there. At the back of the sanctuary beside the pews, I stood near Grace, observing as she talked with Mrs. Varner (or possibly Mrs. Wing) about the proposal. I recorded the incident (in writing, that is), but I would not have forgotten it anyway. Mrs. Varner asked her, referring to her reply to Ryan's proposal, "Did you have anything to think about?"

I can picture her response, though it is hard to describe. Grace looked at Mrs. Varner, and then with her head tipped down and lips pressed close together, she gave a slight, firm shake of the head and an equally firm, quick, and quiet, "No." It was my favorite thing from her.

A while before, as people were thinning out, Tyson had teased Grace about changing her name to Grace Olson-Brown. "Or maybe you should do Grace Brown-Olson to show your feminist side," he said. Ryan, standing beside her, put his arm around her, pulled her to him and said, a bit strongly, "She is leaving her family!" Tyson, a bit mockingly, replied, "And she's going to be MINE!"

That might have been my favorite thing of Ryan that day, but there were a few more I liked. They asked me to take pictures of them, so we went out into the courtyard. It was fun to do, to be official and unhidden, if a bit strange as it was the first (and almost only) couple I have photographed, to my memory. Kind of appropriate, I guess.

Ryan started getting goofy...well, doubtless he had been already... He said, "Grace, do you know why I chose this time to ask you?" Waiting an appropriate amount of time, he then answered, "Because I fall for you." There were some other equally lame, sappy ones.

As I took pictures, Ashley-watching and waiting for me with Rebekah-asked him, "How beautiful is Grace?"

"On a scale of one to ten?" he asked. "Infinity." He messed it up by trying to explain, "You know, one of those symbols like an eight that means infinity." Then he hopped up-I had been taking their picture on a bench-and faced her. "Grace," he said, standing tall and holding his hands as far apart as he could, "I don't love you this much." Flinging his hands straight out and pointing his fingers, he said, "I love you this much!"

"I love you this much!"

Then we walked to the vehicles, and Ryan and I switched cameras back again. I feel like there was something with chocolate...I think Ryan offered an old Andes mint, which I took, and didn't eat until a couple days later. (Like I said, I'm writing this for my own amusement. Although I guess I said I was writing it for Ryan and Grace. Whatever, they'll be tired of reading it by now and already think I'm weird.)

That was a dumb paragraph...but since it amuses me...it stays.

As we were about to leave, standing in the parking lot near the trees, Ryan said, "I thought of another one." I knew what he was going to say, and sure enough, he said: "I will never leaf you."

I might as well continue with scenes that stick out in my mind. This one is for their amusement. (Okay, maybe it's more for mine...)

After I wrote Something to Smile About, I wanted to share it with them, but didn't know if I wanted to put it on my blog, or if they did. They said I could, and after I did they shared it with their family and put a link to it on their wedding site.

I saw someone had gotten onto my blog from a wedding site, and clicked on it. They hadn't sent the link out to people yet, though. This didn't occur to me, and I decided to reply that I wasn't coming (a joke we had; see Still Smiling).

We went to a contradance, and Ryan came. I was suprised, because Grace was working. I think as soon as he saw me, he said something along the lines of, "You! You're not invited." I was confused until I realized what he must mean and laughed. He wasn't particularly happy with me, and said that since I hadn't been invited, I couldn't say I wasn't going. I told him that would be interesting, since Grace was forcing me to be a bridesmaid. We happened to be neighbors in a Gypsy song, and he kept complaining. He looked away, and at last put his hands in front of his face. Every time we passed each other in a dance that evening, he repeated, "You're still not invited."

As soon as Grace saw me the next day, she said, "You!", though laughing with a more amused fashion than Ryan had.

I felt sort of bad, and wouldn't have done it if I had realized that I shouldn't know they had the site. But it still amused me...

Ryan had seemed a bit lost that night, and left quickly. Though I can't remember a specific day, I remember him looking around at church with a similar lost expression, and then his face lighting up when Grace came.

Two other things I enjoyed from Ryan:

That past summer, several months before they were engaged, I had discovered Grace had a ghost. She told me she used to walk and hold hands with him. Sorry, that sounds a lot weirder than it really was. Gerald, her ghost, was the source of many jokes. (Truly, Gerald was completely Grace's idea, not mine, even if I did run with it.) There were a number of jokes we had which Ryan didn't know about. I was surprised she hadn't told him... One evening service while she was working, a while before they were engaged, Ryan said something about, "maybe it was Gerald."

"Gerald?" I asked. "Who's Gerald?"

"You can stop pretending. I know about Gerald."

"Who is Gerald?" I asked.

"A person you and Grace made up."

"He's not a person."

"Well, something you made up."

I asked him if he knew any of her other secrets, and gullibly believed him, and Grace when she said she hadn't told him the others...but of course she actually had. As I had written a while before that, after I was sure I heard Ryan say Gerald, "By her smile and look, I really wondered, but I didn't think she'd not tell me. I should have known better." She was "waiting for the good, perfect time" to surprise me. It didn't quite work, for I realized, without them telling me, that she had told Ryan our other jokes, and of course I told her I was terribly mad at her and couldn't trust her. Then I added, "(Just to be sure, I wrote the above with a smile and am not in the least mad at you.)" She replied that she read it, amused, and then wondered, "Do I really know her well enough to know she's really joking?"

I know, no one is interested and that's off topic. How many times do I have to tell you I don't care?

One contradance, Ryan stopped dancing with Grace during a line dance, went to a counter, handed me a rubber thing he picked up and said, "Here is Gerald's soul with my condolences." It was the sole of someone's shoe. Of course, it made no sense for Gerald, being a ghost, to die, but it was funny. Then, for the Christmas Special they came back to Friday Night; we ended up talking about Gerald, and I mentioned his soul.

"You still have that!?" Grace asked.

"Do you think I would throw it away?" I replied.

"You're probably going to do something lame like put it in a wedding gift," Ryan said.

"Actually," I groaned, "that's exactly what I was thinking of doing. Now I'll have to think of something better." I ended up putting it between their seats in the car after the wedding. Of course, they looked at the car and took Grace's vehicle. So, I hurriedly took it out of Ryan's car and as people milled about just before they left, slipped it into Grace's purse. I couldn't close it without her noticing, but I had made it and they found it (and probably lost it, poor Gerald).

Anyway, at Friday Night, Ryan mentioned something about "Grace's boyfriend."

"He's not her boyfriend," I said, "he's her ghost. It's...it's like a dog."

When he left the conversation, Grace and I discussed how he doesn't seem to like Gerald. As I wrote at the time, "He seems jealous of him, even though he's an imaginary ghost, and always makes disparaging remarks about him." Like the time Grace said she hadn't been thinking about Gerald much lately. "Oh, I feel so honored," Ryan said. "I've replaced your imaginary friends."

I also wrote, "I love how Ryan talks about Gerald, always denigratingly, like he's jealous of him, even though he's an imaginary ghost. It's cute. Even how last Sunday he told me to leave Grace alone, 'Stop giving her stuff.' " That was referring to a few weeks later when I gave Grace two birthday cards (one for her, one for Graziaso-do you really want me to explain?) and a present (not a real one, of course). "Stop giving her stuff," he growled. It was almost the same as Gerald, as if he thought someone was taking his place and it made him jealous. Of course, in both instances I was probably just being annoying, but it was interesting anyway, and (once again I hate having to use it but can't think of a better word) cute.  He once said, when we and Ashley were around her, "Hey, you guys get away from my fiancee." (He liked saying that word, I think.) Ashley asked if Grace wasn't allowed to have friends any more. At first he said not us (the Beerbowers), but then he said, "not too close".

Speaking of Gerald, once they were sitting on the couch when I came and sat on the floor. Grace said they could move over. "No," I said, "I don't want to squish Gerald."

"You won't squish Gerald. He can fit anywhere. He's sitting between us."

Never mind that they could hardly sit normally and get closer.

Ryan said, "There's nothing between us...except 20 days."

Grace said, "Oh, that was pretty gooey."

As for Grace, I remember standing across from her in Di Di's kitchen at Grace's bridal shower with most of the bridesmaids, talking about doing our hair for the wedding. (As I write this, I realize it was exactly a year ago, the 7th. Yes, I started this post over three weeks ago. Why do you think it's so long? Okay, you're right, I could have done it this long in two days. Whatever. I say that word too much.)

Anyway, we were in the kitchen. When Ryan called Autumn, his sister, one of the bridesmaids, she excitedly said something like, "He loves me more than he loves you!" Then she said, "Ryan says he loves you."

Grace said, "Oh." We all looked at her. She said, "Tell him that's nice."

Contra dancing earlier that night-perhaps my favorite picture taken before the proposal.

To make up for that, I shall relay another scene. The summer before they were engaged, there was a bonfire at the church. Ryan and Grace told me I had better still be there when they came back. I decided to stay, and when they returned, Grace and I both felt like checking out the neighborhood-i.e., taking a walk with Gerald. We thought of amusing things to do, like faking Grace falling into the pond we circled, but didn't do them. If Ryan had been the only one there, we might have.

The walk wasn't long enough, so we went on a longer. This time, we had serious conversation, and she told me about her relationship with Ryan. Speaking of how she started to change in her view of him, she said, "It sounds cliche, but it was seeing lived out things I had heard-his love for God, his love for his family, his love for the church." When we came back, Ryan asked what we had done. We told him how we had joked that we would dash around the church, walking just as we returned, making people wonder how we had returned so quickly.

Ryan logically replied that no one would believe we had gone all the way around. But Grace and I aren't allowed to be logical, and, as intended, it changed the subject.

Another scene for Grace: after we had made invitations to the wedding at the Zellers' house, Grace was taking us home, and we stopped at a post office because she wanted to send one to Ryan. We actually made them wrong, but nobody except Grace really cared. (I know these reminders are making you wish you could repeat years, Grace...:-). She told me she'd told him it was a good thing he loved her even when she did things wrong. I told her that would be a ridiculous reason not to like someone. Before putting Ryan's invitation in, she scribbled I love you and hearts on the envelope-something along those lines. I was sitting by her two days later at Bible study when she got a text. I teased her for texting during Bible study, and she started laughing and read it to me. "You invited me to our wedding. I love you too."

If you want to confirm exactly what Ryan said, you could ask Grace since she probably still has the text. She was saving her texts from Ryan-she had to take them off of her phone, as she'd deleted everyone else's and it was still full-for a sort of inadvertent journal, which I find such a cool idea that I'd want to get texting just for that.


Okay, I better end this or they really won't read it. I know they appreciate my wordiness so much-Ryan even said at the dress rehearsal dinner, "...and [thanks to] Jeannette for her many pictures and her many words." I should write something serious, of course, for so far the serious has been there, but lurking behind the jokes in such a way that I don't know if anyone except myself will catch it.

Ryan said once that Gerald and his wife-yes, he has a wife, at least Ryan said so; I think he invented her so he wouldn't be worried about him-wouldn't be responding for a while since they were not speaking to each other. (We'd invited Gerald and Mrs. Gerald over for supper, not Ryan and Grace. Actually, it was for a bonfire...which didn't happen...)

A few of my favorite poems no one else will appreciate, for I wrote them in the similitude of a walk with Gerald, and even I am starting to forget what all of the jokes behind the lines are. There are four poems, almost documenting their relationship.

Though never actually spoken of, Ryan is referred to slightly in the first one, written between the acquirement of Gerald and the engagement-just a bit of intimation about him sitting beside Grace at church, not knowing who Gerald is, and getting used to Grace's sense of humor. The second has verses referring to the engagement and Ryan calling us loony. The third is my favorite, and I imagine Grace's too, in which the "walk with Gerald" is the walk down the aisle. I hid it for her (or had Mercy, that is) to find the morning of the wedding.

Then Grace said I should write one for Ryan, so I wrote the last one, "A Talk with Gerald" as if Ryan were talking to him. He tells Gerald that fighting for weeks with his wife isn't good, but he should follow his example and love her. He also tells him repeatedly that he doesn't want him around. I had to show them that one 'cause Ryan didn't find it. After reading it, he told me I was weird, writing one-occasion poems that were only funny once.

Now I'd love to know what Ryan and Grace are thinking. I am thinking it would be very strange to have someone write such a post about you and wondering what the sensation feels like.

I am also thinking of Ryan and Grace. I hope you're having a wonderful anniversary trip. By the way, I forgot to ask if you took your Segway this time. Thank you for letting me intrude upon you so much. You gotta admit, you did rather facilitate it, so either you like torturing yourself like I do, or you don't mind too much. Unless you just needed me to replace that negligent Gerald. Whatever the reason, it's been fun. I mean horrible. I forget you told me I should be truthful about such things, Grace.

Don't expect an essay every year. I don't know what else to say. Then again, it was fun, so maybe I'll make up some stories next time. You can imagine what that would be like.

Sorry for wasting so much of your time. You can return to your trip now. (Be glad at least we didn't tag along. Although you did say I should follow you and document the rest of your lives...)

Happy anniversary. I'm still smiling.